...a way of seeing beyond inner and outer.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Perfect timing:

    Years ago, I decided I wanted to change my life or I wanted to be without one, so I radically changed my life and stayed happily in the quiet peace of coming home to myself for a few years. While I don't regret the use of that time,  a shift occurred a year and a half ago. The last of my children left home.
   They now fly. Sometimes they do so with wings confused by fear, how things look from the business below them,  by "can't" or "shouldn't", but the message of who they really are is getting through enough that they do fly and their bravery was enough to make me want to do the same so I decided to leave the quiet of the nest for wider breezier skies of something unknown, but more. A lot more.
      I thought maybe the same sort of unflinching examination that changed my life once before could do it again, but this time with fun, and bliss as the only aim.  After all, I already had peace.
   This blog began, unfocused, a twisting flight of my own in an unknown direction until I realized what I wanted to do with it, and where I wanted it to fly, but almost as soon as I did, blogger flat lined. Within days of a more focused pursuit of life change, a business, a project, a game of "let's upend what we think about our limitations, our problems." blogger stopped working..

I do not believe in coincidence. I believe in our "aft"-selves who stir up the breezes of time and if we're attentive, we know it's time to fly.  This is the perfect moment to move from blogger to a self hosted website.
Why not?
I hope you'll join me.
Why not?

The link to and a blog button for the new website,
CookedHeads The Blog

This perfect moment was inspired and illuminated by Lori at WriteMindOpenHeart
whose children gave her the best pedicure I've ever seen in my entire life.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Broken hearts and Moving on

Allen Bentley did it first, and yes, that's his real name.  He dumped me for my best friend who he then married and my non-Buddha mind says, they may both bite me.   I'm only serious in small measure. I don't actually care any more because I would not be who I am if every single thing in my life to this point had happened, and that is the case for all of us.  We are the cumulative effect of our triumphs and our heart breaks, and still we're pretty awesome if we let ourselves see it.
Last week, blogger broke my heart.  It apologized and sent me flowers, has been calling for days but I'm standing firm.  
You guys though, are like bloggers family. I love bloggers family, but blogger and I have parted ways.  At some point blogger and I may sit down and have coffee, maybe even laugh about it all, but now, it's in the poo pile with Allen Bentley, and the Dodgers.     I'm okay. I'm healing. All the crying is over and done. I've even met what is rapidly becoming a sexy new object of my affections.  We've seen each other a few times, and I think there's potential for a deeper relationship.

The post blogger breakup: Cookedheads blog

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Saturday thoughts-May Days

Wild strawberry has 35,000 genesIn a study published in the journal Nature Genetics several Sundays ago, Dan Sargent and an international team of researchers found that the wild strawberry genome has around 35,000 genes, about one and a half times the number that humans have, and most of these will also be in cultivated varieties, they said.  The bad news is that you're only 75% more interesting than a piece of fruit.
The good news is, this suggests you're very compatible with champagne...

Friday, May 13, 2011

An unexpected game token.

  Before blogger ate the last post of cookedheads and the work of anyone else doing anything else on a given Blogger Wednesday, I'd written about alchemy, game tokens,and about how we're going to play this reality manipulation game, this treasure hunt for the good stuff using the irritating stuff to find our way. I also made the point that the premise of the game is that the game tokens are the "irritating stuff".

  Well, hellfire, we can all win this game, because we certainly have the means.  If there's no irritating stuff in your life and no where and nothing you'd love to be, then you don't need our game and I for one am seriously hoping you'll help the rest of us get there a.s.a.p.
   Then blogger defibbed.  I consider that a "irritating stuff" only because it meant I had been given an opportunity to change courses or to wait for someone else to fix a problem.  Don't wait for someone else to fix the problem.  They probably will, but that's not the point.  The point is that the problem is a clue.  In my case, the clue was, "Stop being lazy and go set up your damn website, geek goddess."

    I'm using this game token of irritation, this ugly I do not want,  to do what I've wanted to do for too long.   I'll continue to post here for a bit longer, because it's so homey, and familiar and you are all so joyful a part of my life that I don't want anyone to feel annoyed and stop playing.  However, if you do feel annoyed, it might be a game token...

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Alchemy-The Game

   The truth is, my life is rather good and I don't really feel any more as if there is anything lacking, even if at the end of it, I won't have made many remarkable moments.  That's fine.  A lot of the accomplishment has been internal, where it was most needed, and I have quite seriously, for months/years? thought my only need was to enjoy the end result, but now it's time to turn it all inside out, to share.  Like any other thing offered, there is a certain expectation that the offer might be declined.  That's more than fine, but in order to make a point, I've decided to seriously want something, or better said, to act with intention in the direction of a major shift of life circumstances.
  That is the game and my hope is other's will play along.  Regardless, I am going to play. It is a game of what if, but the way I look at it, and hope you will is, "Why not? The worst that can happen is a few things get more fun and I'm still where I am." The best is ".....", speechless dead air brought on by the shock of how well this worked.

The object of the game is to make a desired but seemingly impossible change and all you need to play it is one very annoying thing that keeps coming back into your life despite all your efforts to rid yourself of it.  That is your game token, the juice you'll need to play.

If this all sounds rather new age, weird, flaky "law of attraction"-esque, it might be, I suppose, but that's not the basis on which the game is founded.  I like all that stuff, but it seems too abstract for me versus, say, quantum mechanics, thus, the basis for this game is Einstein's general theory of relativity.

 Einstein showed us that, if we use things like time and space to define reality, we have to accept that reality is quite flexible.  Thiscoupled with my strong belief based on personal, empirical data, that the Universe is Benevolent, provide the basis for the game I would like to play with you all because it makes use of this fundamental law of physics in the macro as well as the more esoteric attributes of quantum mechanics.  If you have the time and the inclination to view reality with a new frame of reference, I suggest you read "The Dancing Wu Li Masters: An Overview of the New Physics." by Gary Zukav", but it's not required to play.

If you would like to play, start looking around in your life over the next few days for the thing, the baaaaaad annoying, persistently and apparently pernicious thing in your life.  I'll tell you about my first game token tomorrow.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Shallow post alert: No wootwoot wear, please.

     Eyes watering from sunscreen made to defy age (and cancer, yeah yeah, whatever) , frustrated with my latest and last copy of Vogue, I almost stooped to quotes, not that there's shame in such stooping, because I frequently stoop, but to quote, Oscar Wilde, "be yourself, everyone else is already taken."   To my regret, being myself requires that I be 47, unless someones's fixed that and if you have, hook a sister up.
     This as yet unchanged state has resulted in my frustration with Vogue specifically and fashion in general. No where in my last copy of Vogue is there anything wearable for a woman my age, with my banker, and my battle scars. That's why this is my last copy.  I have others, April, May for example but they're still in the plastic so I don't count them.
    Shopping should be more fun now that I have more money than I did when I was 17, but either the market is geared towards the two extremes of  too low cut, too short on one end, and matronly on the other or navigating one's 47 year old way through the mall it is a secret, possibly dark, art I've yet to learn.  
    Maybe Businessville is starting a magazine/repository of information particularly for a woman in and around her jubilee year who isn't willing to go out in a mumu, and is equally unwilling to show her wootwoot in a skirt too short to facilitate the elegant exiting of vehicles.  How does one go about doing that sort of thing? The magazine thing, not the exit sans wootwoot waggle. 
Somethings I do not want to have to know.
not quite wootwoot wear, but still...  at 47? Can't see it happening.
Clothing by Betsey Johnson.  They go with her glitter bomb boots

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Let it go. Let it b.

A Central Time Zone work day, lunch stop.. and because I miss you All.  Truly, weird, but truly.

What I'm listening to, with no message, just a chorus that makes me want to harmonize in tandem to a melody that trails so soft, and speaks to how we cling so hard.

Please Stand By...

Taking a day off to do some involved life stuff:
Please enjoy the eye music.
Pretty with a purpose, glitter bombs and shin splints.
Betsey Johnson

Monday, May 9, 2011


if the draft version of a post in the works got to you.. oops.  welcome to the pot bowling over but by short way of explanation, i got a considerable distance ahead of myself and i'm going to buy art photography.   like i said, i need a "slow down" sign in close proximity to my person at all times..  a tattoo maybe, even.


Is there a house payment between goody two shoes and barefoot ragamuffin?

This is not at all pretty, but I'm quite serious about all this reality manipulation thing and need to show you all where I am before I ask you to play.
If you've been reading cookedheads for the past few days, you'll notice a lot of bubbling going on in what will be the Business-ville.  If not, the simmering started with a conversation about sharing and or making a living via creative/intellectual property. In case you have no clue what is meant by Business-ville, Business-ville is what I've taken to calling the startup company that's still in the pre-embryonic stages, as in, the zygotes haven't even met yet, but they're wandering in each others general direction.  This is only happening because I want to see if it can.
A few days ago, in my efforts to consolidate my own thoughts on how I wanted this child to be raised, I found the following page, which I will post in its entirety:    This was the startup philosophy of Google, a Busines-ville on steroids. It's long and not all of it relevant to a strictly creative product, but it still has merit.  It clearly works, unless they're lying sonsabitches and they're secretly in cahoots with the evil one..a possibility I'm not counting out entirely.

  1. Focus on the user and all else will follow.
    Since the beginning, we’ve focused on providing the best user experience possible. Whether we’re designing a new Internet browser or a new tweak to the look of the homepage, we take great care to ensure that they will ultimately serve you, rather than our own internal goal or bottom line. Our homepage interface is clear and simple, and pages load instantly. Placement in search results is never sold to anyone, and advertising is not only clearly marked as such, it offers relevant content and is not distracting. And when we build new tools and applications, we believe they should work so well you don‘t have to consider how they might have been designed differently.
  2. It’s best to do one thing really, really well.
    We do search. With one of the world‘s largest research groups focused exclusively on solving search problems, we know what we do well, and how we could do it better. Through continued iteration on difficult problems, we’ve been able to solve complex issues and provide continuous improvements to a service that already makes finding information a fast and seamless experience for millions of people. Our dedication to improving search helps us apply what we‘ve learned to new products, like Gmail and Google Maps. Our hope is to bring the power of search to previously unexplored areas, and to help people access and use even more of the ever-expanding information in their lives.
  3. Fast is better than slow.
    We know your time is valuable, so when you’re seeking an answer on the web you want it right away–and we aim to please. We may be the only people in the world who can say our goal is to have people leave our homepage as quickly as possible. By shaving excess bits and bytes from our pages and increasing the efficiency of our serving environment, we’ve broken our own speed records many times over, so that the average response time on a search result is a fraction of a second. We keep speed in mind with each new product we release, whether it’s a mobile application or Google Chrome, a browser designed to be fast enough for the modern web. And we continue to work on making it all go even faster.
  4. Democracy on the web works.
    Google search works because it relies on the millions of individuals posting links on websites to help determine which other sites offer content of value. We assess the importance of every web page using more than 200 signals and a variety of techniques, including our patented PageRank™ algorithm, which analyzes which sites have been “voted” to be the best sources of information by other pages across the web. As the web gets bigger, this approach actually improves, as each new site is another point of information and another vote to be counted. In the same vein, we are active in open source software development, where innovation takes place through the collective effort of many programmers.
  5. You don’t need to be at your desk to need an answer.
    The world is increasingly mobile: people want access to information wherever they are, whenever they need it. We’re pioneering new technologies and offering new solutions for mobile services that help people all over the globe to do any number of tasks on their phone, from checking email and calendar events to watching videos, not to mention the several different ways to access Google search on a phone. In addition, we’re hoping to fuel greater innovation for mobile users everywhere with Android, a free, open source mobile platform. Android brings the openness that shaped the Internet to the mobile world. Not only does Android benefit consumers, who have more choice and innovative new mobile experiences, but it opens up revenue opportunities for carriers, manufacturers and developers.
  6. You can make money without doing evil.
    Google is a business. The revenue we generate is derived from offering search technology to companies and from the sale of advertising displayed on our site and on other sites across the web. Hundreds of thousands of advertisers worldwide use AdWords to promote their products; hundreds of thousands of publishers take advantage of our AdSense program to deliver ads relevant to their site content. To ensure that we’re ultimately serving all our users (whether they are advertisers or not), we have a set of guiding principles for our advertising programs and practices:
    • We don’t allow ads to be displayed on our results pages unless they are relevant where they are shown. And we firmly believe that ads can provide useful information if, and only if, they are relevant to what you wish to find–so it‘s possible that certain searches won’t lead to any ads at all.
    • We believe that advertising can be effective without being flashy. We don‘t accept pop–up advertising, which interferes with your ability to see the content you’ve requested. We’ve found that text ads that are relevant to the person reading them draw much higher clickthrough rates than ads appearing randomly. Any advertiser, whether small or large, can take advantage of this highly targeted medium.
    • Advertising on Google is always clearly identified as a “Sponsored Link,” so it does not compromise the integrity of our search results. We never manipulate rankings to put our partners higher in our search results and no one can buy better PageRank. Our users trust our objectivity and no short-term gain could ever justify breaching that trust.
  7. There’s always more information out there.
    Once we’d indexed more of the HTML pages on the Internet than any other search service, our engineers turned their attention to information that was not as readily accessible. Sometimes it was just a matter of integrating new databases into search, such as adding a phone number and address lookup and a business directory. Other efforts required a bit more creativity, like adding the ability to search news archives, patents, academic journals, billions of images and millions of books. And our researchers continue looking into ways to bring all the world‘s information to people seeking answers.
  8. The need for information crosses all borders.
    Our company was founded in California, but our mission is to facilitate access to information for the entire world, and in every language. To that end, we have offices in more than 60 countries, maintain more than 180 Internet domains, and serve more than half of our results to people living outside the United States. We offer Google‘s search interface in more than 130 languages, offer people the ability to restrict results to content written in their own language, and aim to provide the rest of our applications and products in as many languages and accessible formats as possible. Using our translation tools, people can discover content written on the other side of the world in languages they don‘t speak. With these tools and the help of volunteer translators, we have been able to greatly improve both the variety and quality of services we can offer in even the most far–flung corners of the globe.
  9. You can be serious without a suit.
    Our founders built Google around the idea that work should be challenging, and the challenge should be fun. We believe that great, creative things are more likely to happen with the right company culture–and that doesn‘t just mean lava lamps and rubber balls. There is an emphasis on team achievements and pride in individual accomplishments that contribute to our overall success. We put great stock in our employees–energetic, passionate people from diverse backgrounds with creative approaches to work, play and life. Our atmosphere may be casual, but as new ideas emerge in a cafĂ© line, at a team meeting or at the gym, they are traded, tested and put into practice with dizzying speed–and they may be the launch pad for a new project destined for worldwide use.
  10. Great just isn’t good enough.
    We see being great at something as a starting point, not an endpoint. We set ourselves goals we know we can’t reach yet, because we know that by stretching to meet them we can get further than we expected. Through innovation and iteration, we aim to take things that work well and improve upon them in unexpected ways. For example, when one of our engineers saw that search worked well for properly spelled words, he wondered about how it handled typos. That led him to create an intuitive and more helpful spell checker.
    Even if you don’t know exactly what you’re looking for, finding an answer on the web is our problem, not yours. We try to anticipate needs not yet articulated by our global audience, and meet them with products and services that set new standards. When we launched Gmail, it had more storage space than any email service available. In retrospect offering that seems obvious–but that’s because now we have new standards for email storage. Those are the kinds of changes we seek to make, and we’re always looking for new places where we can make a difference. Ultimately, our constant dissatisfaction with the way things are becomes the driving force behind everything we do.

     If you got this far, you deserve a little pretty..and a glass of wine.
    Michel-Schlumberger 1991 Cabernet Sauvignon & the West of the story

Weekend Real Perfect

WriteMind OpenHeart
Saturday was good.  Smoking-jacket red strawberries, grown without much molecule shifting ,farmers market goat cheese that deserves, and will get an ode unto its own, pink, barbie centered flowers from people who will bring to you what you ask, if you tell them two days in advance and tell you enough about themselves to make that happen, simple dinner, two glasses of pale salmon colored sparkling wine
Sunday was better.  Sunday, lessons were given.  Sunday, thoughts were set in motion. Sunday i was handed a piano, but it was playing my favorite Chopin piece (youtubealert...who writes music in EFlat?? )
So, yes, Sunday. Bottom sufficiently spanked to slow me down, not hard enough to stop me. More thinking needs to be done to make sure honesty/integrity/reality are maintained but/and promises to begin crafting reality with a mallet were made.  They are owed.
Turn the oven on to 350F Take 1C of nutella, 
1 egg,
enough patience to mediate the peace talks between the two.
drop spoonfuls onto something that won't become attached to the outcome.
bake for 8 minutes if you like it sticky.
bake for 10 if being shattered is more your schtick.
Then go here and thank her.

Craft your papillae around that, bay.b.
Go Slow Safety Bumbs
No Stopping Any Time
In case you too need
one of these to wear
around your neck,
go here.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Perfect trust. I think.

    Heather, a perfectly brilliant woman, married to a perfectly brilliant French cowboy raised a very important point, at a very important point in the development of this seedling thought/maybe baby.  You can find the discussion in the comments of this post.
    What do you do with something you expend a great deal of effort and expense to produce?  Do you happily give it away for free or do you adopt the reaction we, who use our creative "hearing" to pay the light bills,  save money for places to set down roots, send children to school,  pay our caregivers when we're 100+  etc., are very very inclined to do.
    If you create, you know "the muse" gives "it" to us, even if we're the ones schlepping the gear, up at 3am, finishing it, getting it right and we all know it's true. That expression of All-nothing-other-than-Everything comes from something deeper than what everyone else can see, and we're given this particular viewpoint because our perspective is like no other.  Still, "it" comes from being a good listener to and a good seer, a good translator, a good follower of something Else.  We live to make love to that something Else.  We also want  to eat.

When I saw seagull scene from "Finding Nemo", I laughed, but I did so because I have an inner seagull.
"Mine." *cue "Finding Nemo Flock of Seagull Scene.

yeah, i used an unattractive unimaginative word.    it fits my mind at the moment.  see, i want to be an enlightened being, one who gives and gives and gives, from a place of knowledge, the knowledge being, that I have it All, and i am an extension of All the deeelish-ee-us muchness.
     The interupt happens when the electric company wants me to give them pictures of dead people so I can write this blog, do the laundry with a machine and or push a button to make dinner instead of gathering wood.  i'm very big on those things.
me and gimp.  it was free.
i'd be okay with free
if i didn't have such
an attachment to
things like
i want to be an enlightened being, but ...well

I raised and Heather, the woman married to "The French Cowboy", called me.

We share a desire to feed, but we also find eating, lights, underwear, clean water et al to be high on our list of priorities.

this is reality.

tomorrow, cooked heads starts crafting it.  with a mallet.


Isaac Newton/Closet Alchemist
Words are only as powerful as their ability to give of ourselves and what we're thinking to each other.  That's why connotation and  context, both circumstantial and personal, are critical to understanding what's being said to us. 

Here at cookedheads, alchemy is going to be a recurrent theme in the coming weeks, but so you all understand what bit we're going to try to give and what we're thinking, here is where this idea-seed was planted:

alchemy Look up alchemy at Dictionary.com

mid-14c., from O.Fr. alchimie (14c.), alquemie (13c.), from M.L. alkimia, from Arabic al-kimiya, from Gk. khemeioa (found c.300 C.E. in a decree of Diocletian against "the old writings of the Egyptians"), all meaning "alchemy." Perhaps from an old name for Egypt (Khemia, lit. "land of black earth," found in Plutarch), or from Gk.khymatos "that which is poured out," from khein "to pour," related to khymos "juice, sap" [Klein, citing W. Muss-Arnolt, calls this folk etymology]. The word seems to have elements of both origins.
Mahn ... concludes, after an elaborate investigation, that Gr. khymeia was probably the original, being first applied to pharmaceutical chemistry, which was chiefly concerned with juices or infusions of plants; that the pursuits of the Alexandrian alchemists were a subsequent development of chemical study, and that the notoriety of these may have caused the name of the art to be popularly associated with the ancient name of Egypt. [OED]
The al- is the Arabic definite article, "the." The art and the name were adopted by the Arabs from Alexandrians and thence returned to Europe via Spain. Alchemy was the "chemistry" of the Middle Ages and early modern times; since c.1600 the word has been applied distinctively to the pursuit of the transmutation of baser metals into gold, which, along with the search for the universal solvent and the panacea, were the chief occupations of early chemistry.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Stand in the place that you are:b

     The only place to be is where you already are.  This thought is so often repeated it's lost its potency with a lot of us, myself included. We're about goals. Over there, where ever it is that we want to beeeee, can seems so far away from over here where we are. We want to b over there already because we think when we do, we will feel different about it all.
   There is a project in the works here at cooked heads that is still an experiment  on the burner, simmering for a bit, but I want to craft reality with you all.   We won't actually be Capital-Crafting, so don't bolt if you're glue gun phobic, or, like me, think sew is the note after fa.  I can't promise there won't b a little mess from time to time, but if there is a mess it will be worth it and it won't involve glitter or b this:

Tomorrow we talk about alchemy....

Friday, May 6, 2011

Weekend pretend

To go here:
Source: None via Ali on Pinterest

or here:

To wear these:

And this:

To eat like this:

To come back here:

with this:

and stay until monday morning...

I have ugly to spend

In the game of real life, currency, money is game tokens, but that wasn't always the case. For a very long time in human history, bartering was considered very normal.  There are places all over the internet about bartering clubs that are popping up.  In fact, Monita has a home in wine country with a pool and she'd like to trade it with you for your condo in Brooklyn this summer.  Man do I wish I had condo in Brooklyn...

But at it's core all these exchanges whether they're trading "dead presidents" or real estate are exactly alike in one respect.  They happen because person A doesn't want something they currently have and is hoping Person B will give them something they do want instead. Provided Person B is willing to make the trade, it happens.  It happens at Amazon, the local market and in Ukiah. Monita doesn't want her lovely 3br house with pool for a couple weeks this summer and she's hoping someone does, someone who will let her family move in to the house in Brooklyn so she can see the shows. In case you're that person, and considering the offer, I feel the need to tell you that despite what Monita says, it takes longer than an hour and a half to get from San Francisco to Ukiah, and the area has a reputation,  but it is close to some very nice sparkling wine vineyards 

So yes, trading.  I, myself have a surplus of ugly. I don't want it so I'm going to give away in exchange for some pretty.  I'm literally going to give and give to the ugly and give to it some more and give to it until it goes away and is exchanged for something I do want, a beautiful pool house.  I'm taking Jasper John's at his word:  "Take something, do something to that, then do something to that"

Some Thing 1, in much need of love.

If your eyes are scarred/scared by that, I suggest you expand the image at the beginning.
It's Jaspers Johns' "Grey Alphabet" circa 1956 and an application of his philosophy in his own work.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Lesa, and what you don't know about her.

Phew.  Lordie,  yesterday hurt my neural nuggets.  I tweet. Not well, but I insist upon getting better, because 140 characters is more than enough for original thought provided that the universe can be explained by meditating on a single leaf. It's a Buddhist thing, I'm too lazy/tired? to find the link. Fact.

This clumsy foal walk stomp through instant-connection with all ten thousand things began because of someone I have come to love, but have never met. My husband is my husband by virtue of these same circumstances, so I clearly begin to like people I haven't met quite easily. This could explain why all of you give me so my very real, very deep joy. The ten-thousand things reference is Taoist but I'm too lazy/tired? to find the link.  Fact.

The someone, Lesa, is my twitter coach. I have to be honest and say, at the instant in which I type this, I can't pull her last name from my memory. Maybe that's a matter of it being the end of a long work day Jackson Pollack'd with ten thousand other things and trying to learn something all at once. I have to be honest again and tell you, now that it's come back into my rattled brain, I won't tell you what it is. You should know her well enough that she wants to tell you herself. This isn't laziness.  What she does is this much worth your time. Fact.

What I will tell you is, as you may already know, I have baccalaureate degree in computer science and make my comfortable living doing very sexy geek things in fairly impressive places, but Lesa is the geek goddess in my life.  I'm only going to tell you two things about her.
 She teaches. Specifically, she children to talk to the rest of us who only hear things pronounced one way.

She's teaching me me to tweet with things like this:  "What time is#commenthour? My#tweetchat is ready and waiting!!"  I have no idea what this means, but she does, and I've got geekenvy.

It is my most heartfelt request that you go hug a teacher in her honor.   Even if you don't have children you are willing to hand over to one of them, find someone who teaches something that speaks to a belief in something good about us and give that person a hug.

I was going to put a screen print of the link above, but it wouldn't fit.  That tells me, the Universe wants you to decide if you need to know where the word hug comes from but I feel bad about ... okay, I lied. Feeling bad is pointless, but because I still owe you one more thing:

3) She loves books, wants you to read, and more importantly, she wants to show you how to seduce your children into reading books in this age of tweets, and pings, and ims, and texts and blogs and e-everything.

Go here.  Read. Smile. Teach
oh.. and she tweets
Lastly, because she'd ask me to ask you if she knew I doing this; 
Choose a book you love and share it.


Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Just one thing. Seriously.. then I have to tweet.

Yes please, this:

I'm taking a day off...

...to learn how to tweet.   Yes, it's true.  Cookedheads is now in the tweeting fray. This is going to take some adjustment, but it's part of my determination to be the hip 111 year old in the Lagerfeld inspired suit, with a condo in some distance space station. I'm having my boots made now. All those wires are there to fight varicose veins and by that time, most of my skin will probably be tucked into a bun on the top of my head.
Astronaut Fashion

Feel free to follow along as I stumble gracelessly into the age of instant connections....
someone help
better yet
someone stop me....

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

My new goal in life:


All for all..part two.

For part 1: Go here
     No, not the rest of the story, because I don't know how it's going to end, but I'll tell you what I know thus far. There isn't a "rich mean girl" nor is there a "poor sweet victim" in the current iteration of this drama, but in truth,  I now know that neither of those characters existed in the adolescent version either. This is the deeper story of Dana the First, Abby, and myself.
     Dana the First lived in a lovely immaculate home that sat on a lovely immaculate lawn. The home was made so by her lovely immaculate and proper mother who gardened, decorated, dressed her children well and spent a great deal of time volunteering outside the home.  Her father was a leader in the community, hard working, a good provider, a kind man whom everyone loved, and who always had an ear for the problems of others. He also volunteered a great deal outside their home.  The home story was very different, but I didn't know that at the time.
   Her father was an alcoholic who physically brutalized the children and her mother didn't stop it from happening.  Dana's mother was unflinchingly "honest" with her children in her effort to "teach" them to be model citizens of the world. Kindnesses were largely reserved for people outside their home.  No wonder Dana the first hated the rest of us.  Her parents weren't evil, but they were older and had come from a time when there was a general belief that good didn't exist in human beings. They were "taught" by their own parents that one had to over come the baser natures in order to be good.  And for the record, that kind of "teaching" will turn you into an alcoholic.  Ask one.
     By local standards, Abby was poor. There's no other way to say it.  Seven people lived in a five room shotgun house with one bathroom and dirt in the yard, though since there was a car parked in it, I guess it wasn't really a yard. She shared a room and a bunkbed with her brother who was a year younger than she was. At fourteen, she had to go to work bagging groceries after school to pay for her own expenses as well as contribute to the cost of running a household. She paid rent.  Her younger brother began mowing lawns for money long before I met him at eleven. Their mother was plump, uneducated, slightly paranoid, did not keep a tidy home and as I remember, didn't contribute anything to the family financially. I also remember her always ready to be offended by some slight or another and can't recall ever hearing her say a single kind thing about anyone, including her own children.  All I remember of Abby's father was being very afraid of him.  He gave me the creeps so for the most part, I would talk Abby into spending the night at my house.   She had two older sisters who were considered "fast" and there was that music with a beat.  Let's put it this way, I first realized what hips could do by watching Abby's oldest sister dance to Brick House by the Commodores.  For some reason, Abby came out of that environment as a kind person, accepting.
    My own back story of the time is one of being uprooted, tossed on my head culturally, emotionally, mentally and spiritually, but the end result was being a foreigner in a place I didn't understand and did not like and I was about to become a teenager.  That alone could have made it a miserable time, but I don't think my parents were happy at that time either and what's more,  I think they were afraid.  Maybe I project, but they had four children, two of whom were entering adolescence and a not distant enough relative who'd shown them what a teenager could do without parental supervision.  Sparing the rod must have seemed to them to be the crueler recourse when it resulted in such horrible outcomes.   It wasn't a happy time for me, but as I said in the original post, I don't think adolescence is for most people, and my parents strictness spared me a great deal of the heartache I saw my peers experience.
  The additional perspective given to me by time, and the additional knowledge I got later, is why wanted to have asked Dana the first why Abby bothered her so much.   My suspicions is that her parents had put the fear of God into her about "that" family and she knew if I became friends with Abby, her parents would question my value as an appropriate associate for their very proper daughter.  She was spouting to me, what she had learned from somewhere else.   She was telling a story someone had told her.   "This" person would "hurt" her in some way.
     If the three of us had been able to sit in a room and tell the truth of our lives to each other, I think we had more in common than not and could have formed friendships that lasted a lifetime. Instead, we stayed in our respective corners, "safe" and I think we suffered for it. I won't allow that to happen in the adult version of this story.  I believe there's a truth beneath the story that is so easily seen on the surface and that there's room for everyone to be included in the circle.  

To be continued

Monday, May 2, 2011

Trouble. Trouble, trouble trouble

     What is quite possibly a very bad thing happened earlier this morning and the hope that I would someday have something, other than my general good disposition about it all, to show for my time here on this planet dimmed ever so slightly.
     I discovered pinterest and I thought I would never forgive Camilla.  Not the one in the unflattering though in all likelihood comfortable frocks. No, the possibly unforgivable was committed by the Camilla at champagnebubbles
First thought was 
shiney things!  . 
The next thought was 
I'm never going to take over the world at this rate, Pinky.

Dalton Ghetti
There's so much more, but I got tired of trying to choose from all the creativity other people have thrown with such wild abandon. I was on my way to web surfing away the day. Then, as the Universe does, exactly what was needed was given exactly when it was needed, 

and I added a little sugar to my Businessville starter.

It's all perfect.

      A habit I nurture is the asking for and then noticing the moments of sweetness that fill my life. That's why, when I have participated in this meme in the past, I've used a series of those moments, listed very neatly, detailing the amusing or lush or happy things that happen to me through my week.  I'm able to do that because I make a point of jotting them in a small notebook.
      Last week's list was very short.  I could list all the events that made last week one I won't miss, or the few things that did make it into my notebook and expound on them but the truth is, I had stopped noticing all the other good stuff that was going on while the unpleasantness held me in rapt attention.  That realization was my perfect moment and suspect I'm not the only person that gets stuck in the mental mire of missing the point from time to time.
   By Saturday, I'd had enough and with terrific effort and focused intent I began to decide over and over to look for "good". I started by greatly lowering the bar from "perfect" to "not horrible" because "not horrible" is much easier to see and there's something to be said for low hanging fruit.  Saturday was a struggle, but I kept swinging.  I also drank two tequilas, thought a lot about breaking into the valium I keep on hand for flying, whined a lot, got angry at my husband for not seeing how bad last week was, got mad at my husband for not seeing I didn't want him to tell people how horrible last week was, and had two or three misery cookies,  cookies used to alleviate misery rather than to celebrate the existence of butter and sugar in good proportion.  They don't work.  In fact, not much did.  Not a rousing success, was Saturday.
    Then Sunday happened.  I'm not sure what caused the shift, and it wasn't even a dramatic shift, but I accepted a few mistakes I'd made with people I loved. I said I was sorry.  I got over myself a little bit. I fixed all the problems left to me by my own need to be liked and decided it wasn't my business to be liked and never would be. It's my business to be loving..  It's my business to see around the smoke and mirrors of my own head to what lies beneath the fears we show each other. It's my business to search my own soul for all my unchecked fears so that they don't motivate me to lash out at other people.  I decided to be still and watch the universe (other people ) unfold for a while rather than trying to bend it (them) to my paper crane will and last, but not least, I decided it was my business to plan a party, bringing me much closer to "perfect" than to "not horrible".

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Is, If

These are two very small words that are life altering in their differences.  When I think about this in the context of my spiritual training, the word "faith" comes to mind, but not necessarily with positive connotations, at least not immediately.
Immediately, I say, "Faith is credulity."
With that thought processed through what is, ironically, a questioning "faithless" mind, I say, "Faith is knowing."

One  feels very different from the other.  Physically.  The feeling that pervades all my senses when I think the first, is tension.  The feeling with the latter is a very much milder but just as relaxing dilaudid, the unbelievably yummy opiate I had after a surgery. That feeling was almost enough to make me want to stay in the hospital with the dosage button taped down.  It's what addicts seek. It's the sensation that all is well everywhere, and in addition to being found in mind altering substances, it's found in "is", but not if because "is" requires we alter our minds ourselves to shift our perception. That feeling, minus the opiates, requires that we look through the swarm of our own thoughts to see what already exists.  

After all my talk about the color yellow haunting me, I found my way back to "is" in a chartreuse shade of it.  The image below is not a video, but it moves.   It is still. It is moving.  It's all about perspective because everything Is, If you look for it.  Look for the good stuff.