...a way of seeing beyond inner and outer.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Perfectly Hilarious Moments

  • driving around with the top down in Newport Beach listening to Toby Keith (youtubealert) admit he's not as good as he once was, then assure you he's as good once as he ever was.  Tell it Toby...
  • a little old lady counting her pennies, the copper kind, hundreds of thousands of them the very moment you're in a hurry to get home to cook dinner when the beautiful man-boy ahead of you line turns to you and starts laughing at the Marx Brother's moment with you.  I'd tell you the whole story, but thanks to Toby, I'm reminded I'm on my way to being a little old lady. This is me shuttin' up.
  • this:
I'll explain later. Maybe. Probably. 
  • walking into a Destroyed house after a five day absence to find a six foot ten, grey haired Boy lying on the floor, on this tummy playing with a new toy: an AM radio antenna that's either a monolith from another planet or some sort of fertility idol and it's evidently going to be perched on the bronze 18th century French torchiere from now on so we can catch all the LA Dodger games. Yet another way the Dodgers consistently break my heart.
  • a surprised grey-haired boy surveying said Destroyed house from his position on the floor, on his tummy, who turns to you sheepishly, and, in all seriousness saying, "I was going to dust".
  • 400 processed cheese slices in the refrigerator and on the counter, I swear to God, a deep fryer.  Damn you Megalomart
  • a coffeemaker that pollaxes you and every Keurig K-Cups ever made. If megalomart ever begins to sell these all is forgiven, like... forever. 
  • training a dog about "Sit &Wait". My version consists of Chaka Khan telling my dog and I that she's every woman, while I flail my arms wildly, a stuffed clown in one hand and a noise maker in the other in the more otimistic than realistic hope that your insane Labrador Retriever will allow you to have people into your home without having to make sure they make eye contact with you when you tell them, "She's a drunk in a bar. Don't make eye contact."  Not that I know anything about drunks. Or bars. Seriously. I am not a very good bar girl.  Library girl I do. Having witnessed the eye contact and the over-attachment that results, it does seem to be a good analogy.
  • finding out that the state of California imports manhole covers from Belgium
The budget debacle makes so much more sense now

There's more but I have to go help someone find a strainer.  He's deep frying chicken for eight people who won't be here and were never planning to be here as well as the two people who will.  There will be vegetable oil everywhere.  By next week I'm hoping to see the perfect in those moments. btw, does anyone need any processed cheese slices....or butter..... or kettle chips? I have, in order, 400 of the first, 8lbs of the middle and a case of the end unit. Speaking of which, this is the end of this unit.


  1. Oh my god .. I love this. So many perfect moments. You had me at Marx Brothers moment. And I would love the rest of that story.

    Nice week.

  2. You have a terrific way of sharing vignettes. I always want more!

  3. I can do with some cheese, all you need to do is ship them to India ;)

  4. I love your hilarious moments. I also love when I laugh with a stranger about something. It makes me feel connected.

  5. you were very sweet to let me know you enjoyed this. i would have answered you all individually, but i'm still cleaning vegetable oil from places like the ceiling, the floor, the light switches..etc. etc. etc.

  6. I was trying to count pennies today at the grocery...no laughing at me!!!..
    good luck with the vegetable oil and I added you to my blog roll..

  7. maureen,
    I would only have laughed had you also had a pallet of coupons, thumped someone in the ankle with the shopping cart because you,
    "..need to lean on it." and then decided you wanted a book of stamps, but not the book of stamps already in the drawer, because you don't like the liberty bell to appear on your thank you cards. Sorry. You do that, I'm going to do the snort laugh. Quietly, and with love of course.. but there will be laughing.

  8. Oh my goodness, I do love the way you write. One follower? Sold American!

  9. Heather,
    Having read your blog, I'm fluffing my feathers and feeling proper puffery from the praise. I'm so glad you enjoy cookedheads. I will have to tell you, the pleasure you received as a direct result of my insanity makes me question yours. just a bit ;)

  10. I always smile when I hear that Toby Keith song. And who looks at manhole covers? Come, now...don't be so glum. Hold your head high! :)
    (don't judge me, but yellow is my second favorite color, after red)

  11. GG,
    I am sooooo happy to report I do not, as a rule look at manhole covers. Actually, it occurs to me as I type this that I and people like me are why they now have to put six hundred feet of safety tape around the open ones. On this particular day, I had a mission, to beauty in the ugly stuff. I've got a post in the works about my limited success with this self assignment.
    Oh the irony of the yellow. If you followed that link all the way out you see that I've read that very smart people like yellow and for some reason it's coming up a lot today in my life. I'm wondering why now? Must. Find. Yellow. Lesson.

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  13. It wasn't Maria. She was logged on and I was trying to comment...it's all so hard sometimes. This is what I said as accidentally Maria.

    Nesspresso is so pretty. I want one. Or I could just have the pretty little pods. That will do. xo

  14. I do the who am I? thing all the time since I'm playing with multiple "personalities"/blogs. As to the pods, considering that there are often days when I think I should just eat the grounds and not bother with the water, I totally agree. Pods only would all the way work... xo back at you Mar..er. Linnie ;)


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