...a way of seeing beyond inner and outer.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

What your obsession has to teach you.

There's no point in pretending I speak for all people who have obsessions with and unhealthy attachments to a thing, a person, a habit, a chemical, but I feel confident enough in my own experiences to tell you those "monkeys" are more alike than they're not.
What if the thing that caused you so much angst was really your teacher, but you were to slow too fast, too fixated on getting the momentary but sublime release from your suffering that you couldn't see what the "enemy" was trying to tell you.
My crazy like a fox grandmother tried to convince those of us who would have had her quit chain smoking, that she
"only smoked because it's the only time" she  "breathe deeply."   She said it. She meant it.  We thought she was crazy.  
I'm beginning to wonder.
I don't smoke, but I have found one of the best ways to end a ridiculous craving for something insane, be it a 400.00 pair of shoes I cannot have and save for retirement simultaneously or a  box of vanilla wafers under one arm, the bag of candied pecans under the other while I hold the nutella between my thighs so I can attack it with a spoon is to take a deep breath.  It also works for moments when you and your husband are discussing his disconcerting friendship with a a person who owns a vagina.  Sorry, the word needed to be used.  I'll understand if you can never read this blog again.
So, breathing deeply.  yes.  do it, but know that the complete release from obsession is a little more detailed than just breathing.   I don't have as much problem turning down the $400.00 dollar shoes and all right all right, they were only $265.00 shoes. I have had a much bigger challenge turning down bread, and frosting, and pizza with extra cheese and well, you see where I'm going with this.  Believe me when I tell you it does.not.matter.what your self destructive obsession is, the fix is the same.  Find a way to honor your psychic stalker without letting it stab you with an ice pick.

If your thing is shoes you can't afford, you should know, as I had to explain to my husband who really wanted to buy them for me that $245.00 of the suggested retail price is for the privilege of wearing the $5.00 insignia. ( love you Tory, but seriously? for sandals? At the moment, I am not that girl.)  Go find yourself something beautiful that you can afford and if your obsession is calories et al, experience every bite you're eating. Feel what you're eating. Taste what you're eating. Smell what you're making a part of yourself with each swallow. Slow down so you can do these things.   
Yes. Eating can be a source of much pleasure.  But putting the thing in your mouth, in your shopping bag, etc is the very finest point of an entirely sensual experience. If you gulp down your food, max out your credit cards etc, it's because your soul is starving for the rest of the process.
The rest of the process:
make mousse, not love to little debbie

spend ten minutes pickling something

Good yogurt has a smell.

2Tgoat cheese? 50calories.  2T butter? 200.  Do the math.
Add fresh cracked pepper and sea salt.  Eat. Slowly. Wallow.

Bacon, onions and thyme should be a candle.  Guinness optional

Taste a small one.  Stop.  (note "one" could be anything,
but do yourself a favor and taste it all)

Never pass up an opportunity to take a deep breath.
The aroma of almonds roasted in cumin oil and Castillian paprika has
not one single calories, but you will feel like you inhaled the whole of the wide earth.


  1. i love you too. i always have.

  2. Great post. I :) at your grandmother's reasoning. We all have something -- I love bread and books. But don't relish baking, so don't get me a book on making bread.

  3. GG.
    She was an amazing eccentric. As to the baking, I completely agree. I feel quite superior to people who bake. I've convinced myself it's very French because il est préférable de ne pas allumer le four et de visiter la pâtisserie et la boulangerie au lieu.
    Maybe I can learn French from google translate?!

  4. "It also works for moments when you and your husband are discussing his disconcerting friendship with a a person who owns a vagina. Sorry, the word needed to be used. I'll understand if you can never read this blog again." - LOL! This is just one example of the many, many things you say that make me laugh!

    This post was filled with some much needed pearls. You often seem like you're sharing just for me! Which is, of course, your gift. :)

  5. Sadly Jeff,
    It just means you're as nuts as I am ;)

  6. LOL! Of course it does! But happily.


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