...a way of seeing beyond inner and outer.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Choosing what you feed...

This morning, about one mile into a three mile walk, I read an email and freaked out because I thought someone had left a comment on a draft post. Had that been the case, it would have meant I'd played fast and loose with the publish button. I hadn't, but for the sake of discussion/my lesson for the day, here is the draft unedited.

your obsession might be able to help you in other areas.

tell how you're trying to teach yourself this thing

I wish i had a shopping addiction (i doubt that's actually true but somehow other peoples monkeys don't seem to throw as much pooooooooooooo in their direction as mine does at me.)

mixing flavors is in mixing items in your closet
mixing textures works for alexander sauce and it will work with textiles in a sphincter-ugly room

style book bargain. vivian westwood quote

No big deal right?  So there are a few words I don't want my mother to read, and it's not a great post, but it's not a big deal either.  It wasn't supposed to be a great post because it wasn't finished, but, since I couldn't remember what I'd said in it with any certainty, I ran screaming towards "FlipFreakFailFlail" which triggered the desire to run screaming back to my laptop to un-publish it.  In other words, I wanted very much to stop doing something worthwhile (exercise) in order to do something very much insane ( be afraid of the dreaded and all-in-your-head "if").

Then I started laughing, because I had taken. my. camera. on my walk with me for the precise purpose of documenting that "it", all the good stuff, is all there waiting for you to see, to choose, to nurture, to feed.  I took that walk with that precise purpose because I felt myself returning to a foggy (scary can't see ) state and I'm not having it. I'm having Businessville, the name Flynn and I have assigned to the game of building a pretend company that may or may not become a real company, depending on how well its played but I have to see Businessville  in order to pull it from Potential to palpable.  You probably know it's hard to see in fog. You may not know I tend to overeat when it's foggy...in my head.   Not.Havin'.It.

My mind still spent some time in thought about what I might have said in the run-away post, or how stupid I might have sounded, but I made, and yes, the word is made, myself see what else was manifest. I made myself see that you guys are aware I'm human so it's not like that fact is going to sneak up on any of you and scare you, that nothing will ever be as horrible as you think it will be, ever and that the good stuff is always, ever, persistently present.  The other crap is out there too, but it's up to us to choose which beast we feed.
Here's some of the good stuff that showed up along the way.
Wild grapes, you know, the ones where Love is the viticulturist.


  1. Your not too great posts are better then my best ones lol.

  2. Please point me in the direction of your really good posts. I would have thought this to be one of them, but that just goes to prove how wrong a gal can be :-). I love to find new sites and yours has definitely piqued my interest. I'll be back. Have a great day. Blessings...Mary

  3. C, That is not at all true! Your posts tell the story of where you are in this exact moment of your adventure. My aspiration is that the tales I tell to keep me truly faithful to this adventure I call my life will give someone else permission to do the same.

  4. Mary,
    I'm so glad you enjoyed it. It's about time I returned the favor. Girl, your blog is every single thing I've been reteaching myself about food. Eat the perfect bites and leave the rest. French Emma could be Marie Fran├žais.

  5. Tracy
    What is a good post and a bad post?
    This is as good as it can be!
    We are not going to change the world.Keep on blogging.

  6. oh, but Dr. A., I think we are changing the world, in fact I know it. Life is change, for us and everything outward. The only question is how we're changing it and that is choice.
    As to what makes a good post vs a bad post, I think they're the same thing, just different views of the same set of words depending on one's perspective and what an individual can take from it. That was what I remembered while walking. My "bad" post was a "good" post because its existence reminded me of a temporarily forgotten truth: It's all okay.

  7. OK, the sphincter-ugly and the monkey poooooo comments made me laugh. Hard.

    More drafts, please?

  8. Whew...that would be scary if our random thoughts were posted. I like the idea of mixing flavors in your closet, as I was once a color analyst for clothing. Love the grapes!


I love to know what you think, "for the Sake of Blessed Connection and Exquisite Controversy"