...a way of seeing beyond inner and outer.

Monday, September 6, 2010

the annoying Is-ness of being

So if I write about the good stuff related to taking care of oneself, I guess I have to write about the not as good stuff. The stuff that just is, where you find yourself displeased with its very annoying is-ness. There are solutions to life’s little upendings, but eating is rarely one of them, because no matter how “cute” it is to talk about a girl making out with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s in order to get over a break up with her no good cheatin’ boyfriend, ice cream is not a reliable substitute for looking the hurt in the eye and dealing with it. Mano a mano, or in this case, ego a id.
If you’re a human being in an intimate relationship with another human being, you know ….well… you know.  Some days you think it wasn’t a good idea.  Some days you think that being responsible for the welfare of yourself and the twelve cats you somehow collected would be preferable to the box of rocks slamming edge on into each other that is on occasion a very good analogy for a human relationship.

I’m angry.  The why of it is irrelevant because it could be anything. It often is “anything”, a sentence spoken at the wrong time, a thoughtless gesture to match the many thoughtless gestures you’ve unknowing tossed out into the other person’s direction or even an impasse you temporarily or not so temporarily reach and there are even times when things happen that make you question the validity of your commitment to being together.  Tell me how Ben and Jerry’s is supposed to help that?
This will pass, or it won’t, but I’m not going to resolve a nuclear threat with a fruit basket or nice box of chocolates.    What I will do is figure out how to look at the way I feel, accept it and move on, one way or another.   My one job for the day is to find something loveable in my partner and something lovely to feed the hungry part of myself that’s no where near my stomach.  Maybe it’s appropriate that it’s Labor day because this feels like work already.


  1. I'll confess there are days I fantasize about being a 'merry widow'. Awful huh-- but that tune Cell Block Tango from the musical Chicago is very apropros somedays!! Sorry you are having a rough day-- but it always gets better-- until the next time. Don't give in to Ben & Jerry-- I still think a hissy fit would do you good!

  2. I found my happy place in some blue mud and long soak. Blog post on the way, but connubial bliss will return. It always does. Re: the fit, I did manage, "I don't hate you, but I do not want to be nice to you right now so you might want to go into the other room until further notice."

  3. I have to say that I know exactly what you are talking about, too. And, yes, it will pass.

  4. Betty: We all have to go through it I guess. It did pass without any ice cream incidents, so to speak, eating or throwing. Those these are dangerous when they're frozen solid! Not that I would know.


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