...a way of seeing beyond inner and outer.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

You want me to put my what where? Seriously?

Five Pole Dancing Classes for $25.00
That was a “deal” offered to me by someone trying to make a living off the latest Southern California exercise craze.  From my perspective it has a lot in common with the offers you get from the medical research facility except that the people shooting you full of who knows what have the decency to give you a lot of money for all your potential pain and suffering.  The pole-dancing people expect me to pay them and the pain isn’t even potential. It’s pretty much guaranteed.  Boils, hair-loss, seizures and temporary blindness have more appeal for me but it does bring up the other side of the equation.  I have to move. 

I am paid to be sedentary.  Writing is sedentary.  The other things I do with my time aren’t exactly ramping the old ( sadly that’s literal, not prosaic ) metabolism in the direction of an upward curve. You can see by the photo I “borrowed” from the add, that pole dancing won’t be my exercise of choice. I don't even know if it's possible given the rather rigid laws of gravity, inertia and the uncertainty principle, though at over two hundred pounds, I’m pretty certain about where I’d be and how fast I’d be getting there if I tried this sort of nonsense.

Nope. I'm going to start walking my dog.   I may fall down, but it won't be on my head and the rolls of post-brioche I'm carrying around won't be bouncing around inside a circa 1980's Flash Dance outfit when I do.


  1. Note to self: Editing is not an optional activity
    ad- advertisement
    add- not that
    etc., etc., etc.

  2. Hey, have you thought about a Wii Fit? The hard part is when you get on for the first time and it asks your height. Then it weighs you and makes a proportional avatar and puts you in the category or 'underweight', 'normal', 'overweight' or 'obese'. Not fun. But after that it's lots of fun and you can get a few minutes of exercise often through the day, regardless of weather and without having to wear a leotard in public. But don't forget to walk the dog!

  3. I have one. I need to use it more than I do. My big problem is intake, and the fact that Jim works from home so it's a little disconcerting to be up ended doing the downward facing dog when he walks through the room to get a refill of coffee. As you know, grace is in short supply when you're flopping and wheezing. But I did get it out of the back of the closet after I saw you were using it and blood donation to stay in shape ;)

  4. Well, there is the downward dog thing. I personally orient the Wii so that the pose isn't offensive to anyone in the room.

    My kids have been known to poke fun of my Wii fit outfits, but if I can't exercise in the comfort of my own house in my nightie, then what's the point of having it in the first place?

  5. Hilarious.. I close the curtains. It's the least I can do for the neighbors but now, no one, including the upward standing and I might add way too curious dog, is allow in the room when I'm doing those poses...


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