Everything in the original post did happen. I don't like that it happened and it wouldn't happen if I could go back and change that it DID in fact happen.
And yet...
This is also true:
I sat at a table with friends who love me enough to risk getting sick in order to be in my company. There was candlelight to go with the music, laughter to go with the lamb tangine, lessons in joy to go with the lessons in limitations. The wine that got me in so much trouble was so very very good and a gift from my husband because he knew, if only for a few minutes, it would make me feel better, and I did not feel good at all, all day, until I had that glass of wine, after which, I felt amazing because I am amazing.
This isn't arrogance, it's truth and it's a shared truth.
The real tool of ignorance, or at least one of them, is longing. Longing for something that does not exist because it blinds you to what does exist. Longing not the same thing as moving in the direction of your truest nature. Those actions that result in your heart knowing it is home, in fact, it is the exact opposite. Longing says, "The words I use to define myself right now are bad because my right now is bad because I am bad" and that, my darling amazing all is a lie. Truth is that you, that we are so much.
...a way of seeing beyond inner and outer.
You are SO right about longing. So evil, yet so hard to get rid of. And you are right, you ARE amazing, I can tell ;)
ReplyDeleteThe only cure for it, that I've found is to make myself stop and see the moment I'm in and refuse to believe the piles of stories I've carried forward. Those prejudice us to the moment and it's just a constant choice we have to commit to over and over.
ReplyDeleteas for the amazing. I know!!!! and it's so nice to have so much company ;)