Five Pole Dancing Classes for $25.00
That was a “deal” offered to me by someone trying to make a living off the latest Southern California exercise craze. From my perspective it has a lot in common with the offers you get from the medical research facility except that the people shooting you full of who knows what have the decency to give you a lot of money for all your potential pain and suffering. The pole-dancing people expect me to pay them and the pain isn’t even potential. It’s pretty much guaranteed. Boils, hair-loss, seizures and temporary blindness have more appeal for me but it does bring up the other side of the equation. I have to move.
I am paid to be sedentary. Writing is sedentary. The other things I do with my time aren’t exactly ramping the old ( sadly that’s literal, not prosaic ) metabolism in the direction of an upward curve. You can see by the photo I “borrowed” from the add, that pole dancing won’t be my exercise of choice. I don't even know if it's possible given the rather rigid laws of gravity, inertia and the uncertainty principle, though at over two hundred pounds, I’m pretty certain about where I’d be and how fast I’d be getting there if I tried this sort of nonsense.
Nope. I'm going to start walking my dog. I may fall down, but it won't be on my head and the rolls of post-brioche I'm carrying around won't be bouncing around inside a circa 1980's Flash Dance outfit when I do.